


Astronomy

by Firedjinn (RCWAK)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Hilarity Ensues, I wrote this pre-murderstuck, Memo, Okay Maybe Crack, Pesterlog Format, Probably Minor OOC, Probably Somewhat Crackish, Western Zodiac, goofing off, transferred from ffn, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 12:38:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7715200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RCWAK/pseuds/Firedjinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The trolls discover a book on human astronomy and notice some familiar symbols.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Astronomy

**Author's Note:**

> Pesterlog formatting is frustrating. 'Nuff said.

CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC]  opened a memo on board lOoK At tHiS  
  
CTC: HeY GuYs  
CTC: lOoK WhAt i fOuNd  
  
CTC uploaded image "bOoK.jpg"  
  
CURRENT gallowCalibrator [CGC] began responding to memo  
  
CGC: OOOH! 1S TH4T...4STRONOMY I SMELL?  
  
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] began responding to memo  
  
CCG: ASTRONOMY? THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOME KIND OF WEIRD-AS-FUCK HUMAN MATING RITUAL. THAT, OR A TRULY HORRIFIC MEDICAL PROCEDURE.  
CTC: wElL ThErE's mOrE To iT ThAn tHaT  
CTC: yOu sEe, tHoSe hUmAn mOtHeRfUcKeRs hAd a wHoLe sEt oF MaGiC CoNsTeLlAtIoNs fOr uS.  
CTC: I MeAn, hOw dId tHeY EvEn kNoW To mAkE OnE FoR EaCh oF Us? mOtHeRfUcKiNg mIrAcLeS, RiGhT?  
CCG: ... SERIOUSLY?  
CCG: SO THEY AGNOWLEDGED US AS THEIR OVERLORDS WITH A BUNCH OF SHITTY INCOMPREHENSIBLE STAR-PICTURES. BIG FAT HAIRY FUCKING DEAL.  
CCG: THAT DOESN'T MEAN THEY KNEW ABOUT US!  
CCG: *ANYONE* COULD HAVE COME UP WITH SOME GENERIC DUMBASS STORIES FOR WRIGGLERS AND SLAPPED A FUNNY LABEL ON IT.  
CCG: UNLESS IT SAYS SOMETHING LIKE "OUR TROLL GODS FUCKING AROUND IN THE SKY FOR SOME REASON" AS THE DESCRIPTION, I WOULDN'T BELIEVE A FUCKING WORD OF IT.  
CGC: SHUT UP, K4RK4T!  
CGC: 3V3N 1F YOU'R3 GO1NG TO B3 A GRUMPUSS 4BOUT TH1S 4S USU4L, 4T L34ST L3T M3 SM3LL 1T MYS3LF!  
CCG: WHO EVEN CARES?!?  
CTC: hEy, bOtH Of yOu cAlM YoUr tItS  
CTC: ItS JuSt a mOtHeRfUcKiNg bOoK  
CTC: SeE  
  
CTC uploaded image "SeE_GuYs.jpg"  
  
CCG: YEAH, WELL...  
CCG: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?  
CCG: ALSO, HOW DID YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE THE WEBCAM?  
CCG: I DIDN'T EVEN THINK YOU HAD A WEBCAM, MUCH LESS THE THINKPAN CAPACITY TO OPERATE ONE  
CTC: ThAt'S My cOnStElLaTiOn, kArBrO  
CTC: It'S A GoAt wItH A FisH's aSs  
CGC: H3H3H3H3  
CCG: WHAT.  
CCG: I...  
CCG: I DON'T EVEN....  
CTC: aNd kArBrO's sTaR PiCtUrE Is....  
CCG: IS WHAT?  
CTC: iIiIiIsSs....  
CCG: WHAT?!?!?  
CTC: .... a bIg-AsS MoThErFuCkInG CrAb!

CTC uploaded image "BiG-aSs_mOtHeRfUcKiNg_cRaB.jpg"

CCG: ASK;,MNDSFMD  
CCG: SK;LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
CGC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H  
CGC: OH MY GOG TH4T 1S P3RF3CT  
CGC: YOU 4R3 TH3 CR4B K4RK4T  
CGC: 1T 1S YOU  
CGC: Y3333SSS  
CGC: SO... WH4T 4BOUT M3?  
CTC: UmM... It sOrTa lOoKs lIkE...  
CTC: A sEt oF ScAlEs?  
CGC: OOOH! L1K3 SC4L3M4T3S?  
CTC: nAh...  
CTC: tHe bOoK SaYs tHeY'rE FoR WeIgHiNg sHiT...  
CGC: HOW WOULD TH4T 3V3N WORK?  
CGC: 1 M34N  
CGC: HOW WOULD YOU US3 TH4T FL1PPY-FLOPPY TH1NG TO W31GH STUFF?  
CTC: I DuNnO  
CTC: I GuEsS YoU PuT SHiT On oNe sIdE  
CTC: aNd...  
CTC: wEiGh iT On tHe OtHeR?  
CCG: WHO EVEN CARES?!  
CCG: ALSO, WHY DOES THE ONE WITH SOLLUX'S SYMBOL LOOK LIKE TO GUYS HUGGING EACH OTHER? ARE THEY MOIRAILS OR SOMETHING??  
CGC: K4RK4T 1 S41D SHUT UP!  
  
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] invited twinArmageddons [CTA] to the memo  
  
CCG: HEY SOLLUX, DID ANYONE TELL YOU YOUR HUMAN CONSTELLATION LOOKS LIKE TWO WEIRDOS HUGGING EACH OTHER?  
  
CURRENT twinArmageddons [CTA] began responding the memo  
  
CTA: waiit 2eriiou2ly  
CTA: you're kiiddiing riight  
CCG: NO, I AM NOT.  
CTA: i'd go 'oh 2hiit' or 2omething except ii don't actually care  
  
CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] began responding to the memo 

CCA: hey  
CCA: gam  
CCA: wwhat's my constellation supposed ta be  
CTC: wElL...  
CTC: It lOoKs sOrTa lIkE...  
CTC: a dUdE SpIlLiNg a bUcKeT?  
CCA: wwait  
CCA: wwhat?  
CTA: ehehehe how ii2 that not even 2urprii2iing  
  
CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] began responding to the memo  
CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] began responding to the memo  
  
CCT: D--> Highb100d  
CCT: D--> May I e%amine this tome  
CTC: Uh, iF YoU WaNt, i gUeSs  
  
CTC uploaded image "A_BuNcH_Of_sTaR_PiCtUrEs.jpg"  
  
CCT: D--> This is  
CCT: D--> Fa%inating  
CCT: D--> Which of these constellations inc100d my symbol?  
CAC: :33 < *aC spots her meowrail's symbol on a page, and points it out to him!*  
  
arsenicCatnip [CAC] uploaded image ";33_its-h3r3.png"  
  
CCT: D-->Oh  
CCT: D--> Oh my goodness  
CCT: D--> Er  
CCT: D--> I don't quite know what to say.  
CCT: D--> Perhaps these insolent creatures are not what we first e%pected.  
CCT: D--> E%pecially if they have such respect for their superiors as to a100de to them in the form of such noble creatures.  
CCT: D--> I am... honored.  
CCG: ALRIGHT, LEMME LOOK AT THOSE PICTURES ALREADY  
CTC: wAiT MaN No nEeD To cOmE OvEr hErE  
CTC: I CaN JuSt mOtHeRfUcKiNg tAkE AnOtHeR PiCtUrE  
CTC: HeY  
CTC: gtfrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm  
CTC: mnjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jlo.,mnjmbvm bb nkfjghgn  
CCG: THERE. THANKS A LOT FOR GETTING YOUR STUPID GREEN SLIME ALL OVER IT, SHITSTAIN!  
CTC: Aw CoMe oN NoW MoThErFuCkEr  
CTC: tHaT WaS JuSt sTrAiGhT-Up rUdE, StEaLiNg a mOtHeRfUcKeR's sHiT LiKe tHaT  
CCG: MAN THIS IS A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT  
CCG: STEAMING FRESH FUCKING BULLSHIT!!! DXB  
CAC: :33 <*aC purrlitely enquires as to what her constellation is?*  
CAC: :33 < *she nods her head to the grouchy karkitty and his great big book!*  
CCG: FUCK THIS.  
CCG: YOUR CONSTELLATION IS A GIANT DUMB LION.  
CAC: :33 < like pounce de leon?  
CCG: YEP. EXACTLY LIKE POUNCE DE LEON.  
CCG: IT WAS A FUCKING INVICIBLE BEAST  
CCG: AND THEN SOME HERO NAMED HURKING-LEASE KILLED IT FOR A QUEST, AND CARRIED ON IN IGNORANCE  
CCG: NOW THAT I LOOK AT IT, HE KIND OF REMINDS ME OF THE JOHN HUMAN  
CCG: IN TERMS OF UTTER OBLIVIOUS JERKASSERY AND DOING STUPID SHIT NO SANE PERSON WOULD EVER ATTEMPT, ANYWAY.  
CAC: :33 < *the mighty huntress glares at the grouchy karkitty*  
CAC: :33 < *she is furry upset with his stupid yowling about mean heroes!*  
CAC: :33 < *she stalks off in a huff*  
CCT: D--> Be warned, mutant.  
CCT: D--> She and I may not be so forgiving next time.  
CCT: D--> ...  
CCT: D--> Do you mind if I take a page from this book with me? To... study?  
CCG: OH MY GOD  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS *WRONG* WITH YOU  
CCG: AND YES I WILL KEEP ASKING THAT, EVEN IF I ALREADY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU  
CCG: BECAUSE YOUR ISSUES JUST KEEP MULTIPLYING LIKE THE CELLS OF A DISEASED GRUB  
CTC: D--> Is that a yes

CCG banned CCT from the memo


End file.
